you asked for it.

i was thinking and i'm sure i've wrote about this thought a few times before.. when my grandma died- amanda CLAIMED how she'd be so "hard" on me making me work hard.. i'd like to know WHEN she plans on making me work so "hard". i'm getting the idea that she expected taking my grandma's place in advocating for me would be just LIKE how my grandma helped my mom since both of us aren't really able to advocate for each other adequately. my grandparents provided free housing for my mom until the apartment got slapped with eminent domain (to later be plowed down and turned into a.. vacant PARKING LOT!). plus, they helped my mom with all her important issues and papers. so don't fucking think you're doing ANYTHING close to what my grandparents did for my mom. plus- i've said this a million times- her brain injury is more severe since she was born with it. she basically can't get better.. although i do find it kinda fishy that she somehow can read as soon as she's aware of my blog (so of course- her and fat amy have nothing better to do but finger themselves to my blog). when i was growing up though, she could never read.. so, she didn't have a job. i'm not sure how anyone can live with themselves, playing stupid so they can take advantage of the government though. just another reason why i'm ashamed to call her "mom". (the other is how she put me in front of her and she used me as a shield to block my dad from kicking her.. people can try to deny it and say, "how would she remember? it happened so long ago!" i distinctly remember my grandma bringing up how my mom turned WITH ME IN HER ARMS when my dad was kicking her and he accidentally kicked me when the doctor asked her and my mom if i had been around anything that would damage or traumatize my abdomen before i had surgery on my perforrated bowel and i read about the cause of my last surgery on my blocked bowel that i had a few months ago and it said it could be caused by trauma or damage to the abdomen so it caused the bowel to be blocked. it may have been a long time ago but i was honestly just sitting at my desk when i first remembered feeling the pain like i had a baby or something kicking my abdomen and it was non-stop until i went in to have the surgery on my blocked bowel. she has lost ALL respect from me. many other people can say they look up to their parents but my mom hasn't achieved SHIT and she held me in front of her when i was younger and my dad was kicking her! what an idol! *rolls eyes* just leave me alone. she's never brought it up to me.. probably because she's ashamed and she doesn't have a defense for her shitty selfish parenting. but yeah!!! keep me in this state so i can get hurt by her again! HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE WORSE, AMANDA! she has never really had a "close" relationship with me and my psychologist said she thinks it's because my body doesn't trust her and rejects any connection or association with her to protect me from getting hurt because i DID tell her about how i stayed with my grandparents all of junior high school and high school until i was injured and needed to stay in a medical foster home in buffalo until my senior year, when i actually returned to my mom's house. BUT YEAH!! KEEP STACY IN AN ENVIRONMENT WITH ZERO OPPORTUNITIES JUST SO SHE CAN BE BY HER NARCISSISTIC, SELFISH LAZY ASS MOM! *thumbs up* i call her "lazy" because she can read when it's convenient for her and so she doesn't have to work. KEEP ME HERE IN THIS STATE SO I CAN CONTINUE INSULTING MY BUM MOM!! and you better believe i WILL for SELFISHLY blowing my opportunity in life when i busted my fuckin ass off just to get there- you know.. something she will NEVER experience in her whole life (ACTUALLY WORKING TO GET TO WHERE THE PERSON THEMSELVES WANT.. *NOT* WHERE THEIR NEGLECTFUL BUM OF A MOM WANTS THEM).